By Me Self Image Magazine
September 2026 Issue: Beyond Illusions
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Thinking through life, we only ever really see our own perspective. We can only relate to the things we know, UNLESS we actually listen to other people’s stories. This is when you realize that you were never truly alone. There are people like you. That is when the world stops feeling so lonely and actually feels like there is purpose behind it. I feel this world tries to distract us so much, that when we actually have a second to sit across the table from someone, our minds are always thinking of the things that are going on with us. I feel this is when an opportunity for true connection actually gets missed. These articles I have been building and sharing are the arsenals to break that barrier—to invite true healing through reflection.
I know that healing through reflecting works, because that is how I have been healing. It just takes a deep dive into who you are and how you react. It is not this toxic positivity that sweeps everything under the rug and pretends that everything is okay. It is discomfort and sitting with the parts of yourself that you try to bury, the parts of yourself that you suppress, the parts of yourself that you may have never seen, the parts of yourself that you didn’t think others could see—and to some people, to be truly seen can be terrifying.
I see you, I hear you, I understand you—not physically, but I see the real you, the one that hides behind the fake “I am okay”s. The you that stays up way too late because you are worried about the projects that you have going, the bills that you are struggling to pay, the appearance you are trying to uphold. Beneath all of that is what actually truly matters. That is what I want you to see. I want you to see the person behind all of the labels people give you throughout your life. Life is not about labels. It is not about how much you can achieve before you die, or how much money you make, or what you appear to be on the outside. It is about who you choose to be in the quiet moments, the moments where no one else is looking; it is who you are in the moments you feel like you have absolutely nothing to give. I think a lot of people, including myself at times, fail to see that we all hold the same fate, and with that fate, we do not take anything with us but who we truly are as a person. Everything else stays and gets divided up as if pieces of our soul are in those objects.
I bring all of this up not to sound depressing, but to have you reflect on how people have treated you, and how you have treated others. We get so focused on our own inner world that we forget to look around at how we may be treating people, or how we come across. This is an invitation to really reflect, ask yourself what you actually have control over, and take a moment to truly connect.
I was sitting across the screen on a video call with someone I truly admire. This person has the most amazing heart I have seen. I always felt that he was a genuinely good person who understands and truly wants the best for the people around him. He holds integrity and holds values that I always look for in people but rarely find. He has gone to bat for me when I was struggling, and I never felt alone in moments where I had always felt completely on my own in the past. These are just a few things that I have noticed. It also helps that he has a great sense of humor and he is that rare person that you don’t have to mask around. I could go on for hours about how I think this person is one of the best people that I know and how lucky I am to have them in my life now, and he probably would tell me to stop with a slight eye roll, then tell me to keep going with a huge smile. 😉
As we were on this video call, he shared something that completely broke my heart. In previous years, people were not so nice to him. I could never imagine a person would ever have any issues, quarrels, or have any other image of this man than what I have. It honestly shocked me, and I instantly felt a protectiveness around him. If I had known him at this time, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would stand up for him. When he was speaking about this experience he had growing up, what really stood out to me is how he reflected and how he can see things in a different light now. I think in a lot of these moments that we reflect, we realize that people often criticize us because they see the parts of us that they see within themselves that they are not ready to confront. It is very intimidating to weak people to see someone live authentically. It is very intimidating to people to see someone refuse to be put in a box that no one was ever meant to live in.
As I heard him talking about how he reflected on this and how he understands why he was treated poorly, I wouldn’t want to admit this to him, but I had tears in my eyes. Not out of pity, or trying to strip his dignity from him, but because I hate when people have to look at someone’s actions and try to understand why they were treated poorly—especially when he was just existing in a cookie-cutter world that can’t handle something that outshines them. One thing I have taken from that conversation, though, is when you are able to look at others’ actions and separate them from yourself, you are healing a part of yourself that you may never have realized needed healing. Other people’s actions are NOT who YOU are. It is a direct reflection of who THEY are. I was so proud of this man for reflecting on the situation and recognizing what was truly happening beneath the surface. I didn’t think it was possible, but this made me have so much more respect for him.
When we reflect on why people do what they do, we are able to see things for what they actually are and not what is projected on the surface. We start to realize that we only have control over our actions and not anyone else’s, we start to let go of outcomes that we hoped for, we stop projecting our wishes upon people, and we are able to live authentically without feeling there is something wrong with us.
Which brings me to another point that we had talked about: it is NOT okay to treat someone poorly, ever. I understand that circumstances and stress can add layers to situations and sometimes we don’t show up as our best version of ourselves, but the goal is to be the same person at the core, so that when we are stressed and overwhelmed, we can take ourselves out of the situations and realize that the situations are stressful, but to the core, we can still treat other people with dignity and respect. There is no excuse to treat someone poorly, but I know we have all had moments where we may have acted out. If you did, I just want to reaffirm to you that it doesn’t define who you are, but we should reflect on why taking your problems out on another person happened. Not only is it important to separate how others treat you from your own identity, but it is also important to recognize when you may have done the same, understand why you did what you did, and separate yourself from the action so that you may handle it differently in the future.
This kind of reflection isn’t just for how you treated someone or how they treated you; it is also about how you react when your own boundaries are tested.
I will give you a personal example. I used to be a huge people-pleaser and would just go with the flow with everything even when I felt uncomfortable. Admittedly, I still have some of those tendencies, but I am working on it. I put myself in a very peculiar predicament that I didn’t really want to put myself in, but my friend needed help, so I caved on my boundaries and helped this person. I let this person in my house—and TRUST me, I do not just let anyone in my house. While they were here, they were pushing to ask questions that I did not want to answer, and I politely steered the conversation away from the topic multiple times. At this point, the task was completed, and I was exhausted and I needed to get this person to leave my house so I was able to get to bed. I had a hard time keeping my eyes open and this person kept pushing the question—so I answered it. I, at this point, was trying to throw the kitchen sink at this person to get them to leave so I could go to bed.
As soon as I answered that question, my soul felt sick. I think we all know that feeling. I realized what I did, and I was disgusted with myself in that moment. Why did I compromise my values to just be polite? I could have just told this person to grab their items and leave and just been firm. Looking back, that is exactly what I wish I had done. In the moment, I did not see that as an option because I was telling this person to leave, but I was saying it politely. I didn’t have to be mean, but I could have been a lot more firm about it.
Reflecting upon moments like this—even though it is uncomfortable—helps prepare us and actually builds us up to be the person we wanted to be in that moment. It isn’t about dwelling on a failed attempt or submitting to failure; it is recognizing the pattern and breaking free from it one step at a time, until eventually you do not recognize the person who allowed it in the first place.
When you look back at situations that made you feel uncomfortable, take a second to ask yourself: Which parts of that situation did I actually have control over? Why did it happen? How could I have handled it differently? And what am I genuinely proud of myself for doing in that moment?
Looking at things through this lens is when you realize that other people’s actions or words do not define you—it defines them. You should never carry the baggage of someone else’s perspective or the weight of what they try to project onto you. This is when you hand them the trash back and tell them that it was never your burden to carry. Once you release their burdens, you feel so much lighter. And once you start to work on yourself, release your past reactions, and give yourself love and grace to heal those parts of you, you will realize the world is a lot less heavy than you could imagine.
The final thought I want you to marinate on is: Understanding is not tolerance nor allowance; it is your journey to healing your inner world.
Self Image 