By Amber Self Image Magazine
Finding Magnetic Love in God’s Design
In our quest for lasting love and genuine connection, we often start by looking outward—at our partners, our circumstances, or our dating apps. But what if the secret to attracting and sustaining the relationships we crave begins with the most fundamental relationship of all: our connection with God?
Chip Ingram’s book, Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships, reminds us that human love is a reflection of a deeper, divine design. The book challenges us to shift our focus from finding fulfillment in a partner to finding fulfillment in God, recognizing that true self-image is rooted in your identity as His creation.
The Problem with “Void Filling”
The core problem Ingram addresses is one we tackle throughout Self Image magazine: the attempt to fill an internal void with external relationships. When we haven’t healed our core wound, we look to a partner to provide:
Security: Am I safe?
Significance: Do I matter?
Acceptance: Am I loved unconditionally?
Ingram asserts that no human partner—no matter how incredible—was ever designed to carry the weight of these needs. When we place a divine expectation on a human relationship, it is doomed to collapse under the pressure. This directly connects to your mission: you can only be the whole partner you seek when you are already whole, and in a faith context, wholeness is found in God.
Rewriting the Blueprint with God’s Love
The book encourages us to establish a Secure Attachment not just with ourselves, but with our Creator. When you deeply accept that you are loved unconditionally and perfectly by God, you can rewrite your Internal Working Model (IWM). This transforms your deepest fears into your strongest foundation:
The Fear of Abandonment is Healed:
The core wound often makes us fear being alone. The Truth is that you are never alone. God is constant, non-negotiable, and always present. This security heals the fear of abandonment and makes you feel safe enough to trust others.
The Pursuit of Worth Ends:
The core wound compels us to believe we have to prove our worth. The Truth is that your worth is established. You are valuable not for what you do or what you have, but for whose you are. This stops the desperation and the pursuit of external validation.
The Tolerance for Conditional Love Vanishes:
The core wound makes us settle for conditional love. The Truth is that you are loved perfectly and unconditionally. This sets your standard, making it easy to walk away from any human love that is cheap, conditional, or toxic.
The Power of Being “Completely Satisfied” Alone
When you heal your core wound and build your Self-Image on the foundation of faith, you achieve a state of complete satisfaction in your solitude. Ingram’s work suggests that only from this place of spiritual abundance can you:
Date with Clarity: You are no longer desperate, so you can clearly see a partner’s character and confidently enforce your non-negotiables.
Give without Expectation: You can love and give freely without demanding that your partner fill the divine void in return. This is the definition of unconditional human love.
Build a Lasting Relationship: A healthy, lasting relationship is not two halves desperately clinging together; it’s two whole individuals walking side-by-side, united in a purpose greater than themselves.
Your journey of Self-Image—defining boundaries, choosing peace, and living in alignment—is, at its core, a journey of aligning your life with this foundational truth. When you get your primary relationship right, all other connections fall into their proper, healthy place.
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