Reflections

Today, I sit here thinking about how imperfect I am. As I believe many of us do on a daily basis. We  may wish we would have responded a different way than what we did, and we may wish we didn’t do something that we did, in fact, do.  I believe this is normal for all of us to feel.

In my instance, I am aware that I tend to say the same thing when I am nervous. I hyperfixate on an idea.  For me to gain confidence in speaking to people, I find myself rehearsing conversations and how they may go, and I always think that I have each route planned out of how the conversation may go. I always find that conversations never go as planned in any scenario you try to think of. So when that happens, I find myself trying to route the conversation back, which may sound like I am pushy or not observant or not mindful. I realize that is not how I want to come across, and I genuinely want to make people feel comfortable around me. In the moment, I don’t always recognize what is happening, but more than not, I realize it after reflecting on the conversation – when I have time to process it fully.

I normally start to feel embarrassed, and I want to retreat because at first, I thought the conversation went well, and then I realized I was such a mess. I then start  to beat myself up for the littlest things.

Then I realized that if someone judges you for your quirks or dismisses you for being who you are authentically, do they really deserve your time?

I don’t know about you, but when people are quirky around me, I embrace it. It is part of the human experience.  I hold space for people. I meet people where they are at, and I try to raise people up. So if I am able to hold space for other people and help lift those who are down, then why am I not  doing that for myself as well? Why am I not treating myself as I treat others?

I think the fundamental issues are that we are taught to be kind to others, well …the majority of us are. We are never truly really taught to be kind to ourselves or to treat ourselves how we want others to treat us. That is with compassion, love, humility, honesty, truth, and understanding.

I want you to reflect on a time when you felt embarrassed or uncomfortable because of a situation you created. How did you handle it? How did you think of yourself, and how did you treat yourself afterward? What do you wish you could have done differently? This is the time to really connect with your innerself. And go deeper into the core issue of the problem.  Sit with that emotion for a few minutes, really feel it, and wherever you are feeling it in your body – just take a deep breath and relax those muscles, and fully release it.

Remember, everything is a learning experience. It will help us grow and become better in the future. In the meantime, you need to hold space for yourself like you do for others and give yourself grace. Love who you are quirks and all and embrace them. No one can tear you down if you are aware and acknowledge your weaknesses. You can ultimately turn your weaknesses into strength.